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About cry rooms: I think I could write a three page article about this topic! I will try to be brief.
First let me say that I think children belong in church with their parents and I love to see them there. As a people of Life we should welcome children and families with open arms. It is sometimes difficult for parents to bring children to church and they deserve our full support for their efforts.
Cry rooms, should be there as a service to these parents, not to parishioners that think a crying baby at Mass is some sort of sacrilege. Those people have to chill out.
I know parents appreciate cry rooms, but I think most have a love-hate relationship with them.
They are very useful for moms to breastfeed or do other “child management” without having to walk out of the church and miss part of the liturgy.
But they have the disadvantage of being used by some parents as a place where the go so they DON”T have to manage their child’s behavior and teach them proper church etiquette.
Those of us who have used cry rooms know that parent who heads straight for the cry room so they can let their child go nuts without bothering to discipline them.
I have even seen grown people “hide” in the cry room to read, do their nails, or just chat with others during Mass!
We need to provide this cry-room service to parents who need it while discouraging those who use it as an “anything goes” place.
My suggestions are:
1. Make it smaller- the choir loft is way too large! There should not be enough room for people to “hang-out”.
2. Bring it down- if the cry room is closer to the congregation, this has two immediate positive results. It makes parents more conscious of their child’s behavior and, hopefully makes them more likely to manage it, which is what they should be doing.
It also makes parents feel less isolated. For example, It makes me crazy when the priest blesses the people with holy water and those in the cry room are completely ignored–but you better believe the ushers make it into the cry room with the collection basket!
3. Make it more like church space- holy pictures at a child’s eye level , or holy children’s books, gives parents tools to remind children they are still in church. (Maybe one or two child-size pews with kneelers?!)
My idea, again, is to turn the space that is now occupied by both confessionals into a cry-room, with a large window where the picture of OL of Guadalupe is. It has a door into the church, so the priest can sprinkle holy water and the usher can pass the basket, and an exit to the vestibule so really upset children can be taken outside without going through the church. I think this space is ideal.
mmkr, you rock!! Everything you said is absolutely spot on!
This sums it all up PERFECTLY:
“We need to provide this cry-room service to parents who need it while discouraging those who use it as an “anything goes” place.”
Having witnessed parents who brought MacDonald’s bags in with their kids (I’m not making this up), I particularly concur with the need to somehow make it still feel like sacred space.
I also agree with your other suggestions. I wonder if it’d be nice to have a changing table in there, even if there’s one in the bathroom. Having done my share of cry room time (and it IS penitential, doncha think?), there have been a number of times when I’d have a toddler to deal with, and would go ahead and take an infant with me as well, only to discover that the infant had a diaper issue. OTOH, does a changing table belong in sacred space, and would having one encourage too much informality? Maybe the changing table could be behind some kind of divider or screen so that it wouldn’t be real obvious?
It seems like at any given Mass, even a full one, the number of kids who truly need the cry room is maybe half a dozen, max. So as you said, it could be smaller without creating a problem. Of course, the current cry room is also the brides’ room; if the cry room were smaller, we might need a different area for the brides.
Anyhow, thanks for your excellent comment!
Judy Bettinger
It occurs to me that actually, crying babies aren’t nearly the problem for parents that active toddlers can be. Unlike infants, they don’t just cry; they also laugh, hoot, bellow, whisper at 100 decibels, and attempt to scale the book racks. Not to mention when they disappear under the pews to pop up like a Whack-A-Mole five rows back! (I WISH I were making that up!)
I’m not sure how the cry room set-up can best accommodate the over-1-under-3 set, but I think it’s something we should consider.
For a humorous look at this subject, see “Rubrics for Toddlers” here.
Judy Bettinger
I think that is where the suggestion to make the cry room more like church space comes in.
I have found that toddlers have to be “talked through Mass”.
I have spent countless Masses explaining everything from the crucifix to rephrasing Father’s homily so a 3 year old can understand the basic message.
To me this is truly a joy (though I’m afraid it’s not so joyful for the people around me) and it really helps manage their behavior a lot.
If, however you have to take a toddler to the cry room (they ARE named that way for the parents, right?), having a cry room where you can point out a picture of Mary holding Baby Jesus, or where there are children’s books explaining the Mass would help parents a lot.
Looking back at my first comment I just want to say – to be fair – that HT is one of the most child-friendly churches I have been to. Meaning that people are pretty understanding of parents with young children.
I think Mom of 4’s idea of having a changing table in a hidden area of the cry room is very good. Not only because it would be convenient for moms with multiple children, but because it would give the cry room a “baby aroma” that would discourage anyone from bringing in McDonalds!